I have learned that time does not wait. Last month, I was scheduling my daughter’s 8th birthday party. We were planning to do it at one of her favorite Gymnastics spots and inviting all her friends to come and share this special day. But instead, we are canceling the birthday party. We will be celebrating at home with a homemade cake, just us 3. It is hard, and many feelings are simmering, but I am grateful I can still honor my daughter’s life.
It has been two weeks now; I am working from home and homeschooling my 2nd grader. It has been challenging trying to stick to our routine and splitting my time for work, school, play, and home life. I find myself exhausted, empty, and a bit gloomy. Some days are harder than others. So, I take it easy, meditate, and rest.
It has been hard on her too. Wishing she could play with her friends. Hoping her big sister could come for a playdate. This morning she had a meltdown and just cried. She asked me, mommy, “why is this happening”? ”When will it stop”? ”Will we live like this forever”? “Will I see my big sister again”? I miss my friends.”
Being in this situation is hard on a 2nd grader. She feels scared and so unsure of what is going to happen next. Being inside the house most of the time without seeing anyone else is dreadful and distressing. I felt her pain. I felt her fear and uncertainty. I did what I could do, I grabbed her, and we just hugged and cried together. Then, we prayed. We prayed for peace; we prayed for healing; we prayed for humanity; we prayed for big sister and our friends.
It’s been hard even for me, not seeing the people I love. Some of you know that I am a big hugger. I used to hold a big ”hug me” sign when my former students would come to my classroom. Now those moments are just memories.
I am learning a lot about myself and how brave I have to be. I am learning that it’s ok not to have the right answers or no answers at all. It’s ok to feel tired, vulnerable, and sullen. I am learning to just be in this moment—this moment of hugging my beautiful daughter and snuggling on the couch. It’s fine just to sit and do nothing; no school work, housework, or work of any kind—time to just embrace the unknown.
I’m learning that time will keep going, and it’s fine to lose track of it. I am learning that we still need to eat, sleep, and stay clean and healthy. It is the shield for the battle at hand.
The virus is affecting us in many ways; it is real and has taken many lives. Nobody was prepared for its wrath. It came storming in, infecting everyone in its path. It continues to spread across the earth, consuming life.
So, as I sit here composing and expressing my thoughts about the pandemic and our lives, remember many are dying, and they are dying alone. Many are scared and die in wordlessness.
It is time to sit in silence and pray, chant, meditate, or repeat your mantras: compassion and love heals. We need to spread our gratitude in multitudes. We need to remember the feeling of coming up for air and share that with the world. Our appreciation for humanity is essential and is at the front line of life.
We have no time to complain or make jokes or be disrespectful. No, we need to gather together and share our blessings, share our sincerity and spread the love for all. So, I challenge you to ask yourself, what have you learned from this virus? And perhaps you will understand and appreciate human life.
I am sending you all love, light, and peace. Stay safe.