Talking about all the hard work it takes to build and maintain a relationship.

People don’t talk about all of the hard work it takes to build and maintain a relationship. That yes, it is amazing and beautiful but also messy and hard. When in our social media-obsessed society what we see is always the illusion that the relationship is perfect and that a “healthy” relationship is only made up of rainbows and butterflies. That arguments and disagreements don’t and shouldn’t exist and that you shouldn’t have to work for your relationship to be in a good space, the pieces should just fall together on their own. (All the old married couples would laugh loudly at such an idea) rainbows and butterflies should exist, don’t get me wrong, but what about those days where one or the other, or both people, have hit a level of immeasurable frustration with one another. Where you’re frustrated with them and/or frustrated with yourself, asking how did we get here or how do we get out of this space, why are they acting this way or what did I do to contribute to this, do I say how I’m feeling knowing it will add further frustration or do I say nothing and let my anger radiate outward in which they obviously will feel it, do I kiss them goodnight or roll over away from them getting as close to edge as possible, do I kiss them goodbye in the morning or leave without a word so they know I’m that upset, do I say sorry first or wait for them to apologize, do I really need to explain why I’m upset when I expect you to be a mind reader and just know, how many days is this going to roll over into before it’s resolved, why did they say or do something hurtful when they were upset or why did I respond in a hurtful way, why is this happening, I don’t want to be in this space again. Ugh, that spiral no one enjoys. In the moment it seems so necessary to overthink, define your boundaries, be the one in the right, protect your heart and you go through the frustration and hurt. But then, things subside and return to normal and (for me anyway) you’re laying together in bed cuddling and watching tv, you hear the kids in the other room laughing away and it brings joy to your heart and you squeeze your person a little tighter just thanking your lucky stars that you’re blessed enough to have someone to have those messy and emotionally draining days with because THIS is what you’re fighting for, this is what makes getting through those inevitable days without the rainbows and butterflies, completely worth it. And we all go through it no matter how many lovely pictures someone posts, how perfect their relationship or life may seem, the people who wish to have those seemingly perfect relationships… they aren’t perfect, they’re just doing the hard work together

Written by~Caryn Pletzer

Caryn Pletzer


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